A Sick Story

I haven't been that well as you probably can tell
By the way me lymph glands swell and the colour of me eyes.
I've been sick, sore and lame - me family's been the same,
So I'd like to just explain how we suffered this demise.

Me mum got tonsillitis, me sister got bursitis,
Me aunt appendicitis, and me uncle - he got gout.
Me brother got bronchitis, me dad got tendonitis,
The cows got mastitis and Pop's teeth fell out.

Then I got infected, but me sister got inspected,
Me father got injected and none of us got well.
Me cousins got small pox, me in-laws chicken pox
Granny wouldn't change her sox (and boy, did her feet smell!)

Me niece got a hernia, me nephew got cholera,
We all got tinea, so everyone just cried.
Me wife got sclerosis, our dog tuberculosis,
But they stuffed the diagnosis and the poor old bugger died.

So then we all decided that the medicines provided
And the practices abided by weren't any good at all.
So I learnt psychology, me sister radiology
Me father physiology and me mum... the crystal ball.

We stocked up on codeine, penicillin, morphine,
Vitamins and proteins and prayed we would prevail.
We emptied out our purse training mum to be a nurse
and meself to drive a hearse ...just in case the whole thing failed.

But when Granny got pneumonia, Pop got neuralgia
And me cousin got insomnia, you bet we had it beat!
With numerous operations, a few lacerations,
And the unfortunate amputation of me Granny's smelly feet.

But now as we grow old, you'll see us getting bold
As an itsy bitsy cold is the only ill we've got...
Apart from the cat's infected ear, this horrible pimple on me rear
And the fact that you've been sitting here listening to all this rot!